The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
