I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
