Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize