Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
