Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
