even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize