Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
