When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
