dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
