She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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