I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
