Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
