Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
