I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
