dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize