today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
