I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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