She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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