i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
