i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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