They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
