How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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