i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We named our party play list daddy issues
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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