The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
