He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
