Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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