Me too!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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