Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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