She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
