so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
