I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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