Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
