I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
