it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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