Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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