We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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