You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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