a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
