Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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