And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
