If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
