Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I believe in your delicious
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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