oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
