"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
