I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
