you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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