remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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