you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
