I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
