New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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