my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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