if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
