I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize