what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
