Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Bring me that man meat
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
