I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
