I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
