this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
