I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
