I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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