i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
