clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
