So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
