so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize