you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
