All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
